WOOP!

Been working HARD on my website for portfolio purposes and it was finally finished and launched last night!!! Please go check it out!

http://www.cat-mak.com

i'm back... for now.

i seem to have an on and off attitude with blogging. sometimes i just really can't be bothered to write about my life or what i feel where as other days i could go on forever, although it's mostly ranting.

i've actually been quite good this semester, attending all my classes and have been doing my work ahead of its deadline. it feels good to be organized and on top of the workload. but today i was pulled aside by my study advisor and a previous lecturer and they sat me down, saying that they're a bit concerned because of my group project and my participation for it last semester. everything they said made sense, but after what they said, i wanted to tell them so badly that last semester i had lost all motivation and i really didn't care. what's more, is that it's hard to feel dedicated and involved in a project when the groupmates don't include you in their discussions or just don't listen to you. it just makes you feel like crap and don't wanna do anything. but of course, i didn't. i just sat there and nodded the whole time.

i really feel that i'm picking back up and i actually have some motivation to do well in the courses this semester again. i really hope i can keep it up and show them that it was a temporary thing and it was only for that one class...

fashion education #1 - 55DSL

• spinoff from DIESEL
• now operated by Andrea Rosso, son of the creator of Diesel
• bridges urban culture and fashion
• mission "to become the most famous fashion option in streetwear
• slogan "Live at least 55 seconds per day"

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since i've been back to hong kong 

the thought of killing myself has come up so many times

and everytime the only thing that stops me is a vision

of my mum receiving the news and how she would be all by herself

i just want to know that she'll be okay

that she'll be taken care of

that's all.

going away

i'm completely torn into pieces over this

i've been rejected from the exchange programme next semester

i had really wanted to go for many reasons...

i was looking forward to finally being in a western society again... going back to that way of learning, interacting, living... i wanted to go and see the city, learn the 'Brit' way... especially if i was very possibly going to be living there in the future. and i can't lie, i wanted to go to be closer to Fil, which after four months now, has proven long distance relationships are hard, because they're a huge strain on emotions and on the heart. even when everything else is fine, the sole feeling of missing that person kills. and the final reason... i really wanted to go to london for exchange simply because i'm so unhappy here in hong kong and in my environment. i've found it so difficult to make and maintain friendships here because the mentality is just so different. i've began to feel all alone again here, and now with my new roommate, i really feel like i have no one to talk to here. i was really looking forward to getting away for a few months, being happier, learning better... 

but now i'm stuck where i am. in the same situation. with the same people. i can't even explain the pain i'm in.