.

since i've been back to hong kong 

the thought of killing myself has come up so many times

and everytime the only thing that stops me is a vision

of my mum receiving the news and how she would be all by herself

i just want to know that she'll be okay

that she'll be taken care of

that's all.

going away

i'm completely torn into pieces over this

i've been rejected from the exchange programme next semester

i had really wanted to go for many reasons...

i was looking forward to finally being in a western society again... going back to that way of learning, interacting, living... i wanted to go and see the city, learn the 'Brit' way... especially if i was very possibly going to be living there in the future. and i can't lie, i wanted to go to be closer to Fil, which after four months now, has proven long distance relationships are hard, because they're a huge strain on emotions and on the heart. even when everything else is fine, the sole feeling of missing that person kills. and the final reason... i really wanted to go to london for exchange simply because i'm so unhappy here in hong kong and in my environment. i've found it so difficult to make and maintain friendships here because the mentality is just so different. i've began to feel all alone again here, and now with my new roommate, i really feel like i have no one to talk to here. i was really looking forward to getting away for a few months, being happier, learning better... 

but now i'm stuck where i am. in the same situation. with the same people. i can't even explain the pain i'm in.

read

it's been so long since i've read a book that i can't seem to put down

Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith.

Such a good book.

Finding it quite relevant and relatable. 

Although only about 1/4 way through the book but already love it & can't wait to finish it ASAP!